(Original image courtesy Maryam Sicard on Unsplash)
Show me proof of a donation to World Central Kitchen. From now til the 31st of December, 11:59 pm ET, for every $20 raised, I’ll reveal a new type of imaginary ranch dressing from my frankly unhinged list of imaginary ranch dressings. I will post the results on my BlueSky, my tumblr, and ultimately right here on this site.
Frequently Anticipated Questions
Why ranch?
The idea came to me after vaguely remembering a group chat from many months ago where my friends and I speculated about a real-life restaurant that claimed to offer 34 ranch dressing varieties. I wanted to outdo 34. Also in the present political moment, if I think too hard about anything I become utterly incapable of action. So this is me not thinking much.
Is this “punching down”?
I am a lifelong Midwesterner; if anything, this is me finally embracing my destiny.
I’m not from the American Midwest; what is ranch dressing?
Ranch in this context is a creamy, sometimes mayo-based condiment frequently featuring garlic and parsley. I am 95% certain I have eaten it before.
Why World Central Kitchen?
They legitimately do good work getting food to people who desperately need it, in a responsible and culturally appropriate way. They’re on the ground in North Gaza, working with other organizations in order to provide over 650,000 meals a day. Also, for a limited time, all donations will be matched for double the impact. This answer is not funny but it is true, which technically takes us halfway to observational comedy? Something to ponder.
How can I prove to you that I’ve donated?
A screenshot (with personal details redacted, natch) would do nicely. On tumblr, you can reblog my post with your screenshot, or chat or message me. On BlueSky, you can reply to my post, DM me, or post it to your own timeline and tag me. I believe you can also comment on this very post. If all else fails, you can email me at codenamepancake at gmail dot com.
Happy upcoming New Year! Donate today!
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